2004-06-30 & 9:29 p.m.
I did not know there were "proper" ways to care for ones vagina. Apparently there are. (Forgive me those who are uncomfortable because of the vag-speak but if Dooce can talk about hemmrhoids and win a Diarist award, I can talk about vaginas.)
One website tried to explain the ins and outs of vagina care with the heading, "Your vagina; get to know it better". This only causes me to picture me and my vagina sitting down and discussing our life stories over an international coffee.
Vagina: Why you be takin' me for granted bitch and shavin' off my beautiful hair?
Me: Oh Vagina, I am sorry. I thought you liked your haircut.
Vagina: And why you not be likin' my natural scent bitch? Always trying to cover me up with perfumes and shit.
Me: Vagina, I am so sorry. Please don't hurt me anymore.
In reading I also found that there are appropriate cleansers to use for the vaginas. But for the most part, vaginas, I come to find, are self-cleaning much like ovens. Your vagina sets itself to "clean" and the "healthy" secretions start flowing throughout the vagina to flush out the bad stuff. Unlike a self cleaning oven, however, there isn't any work involved on your part besides an annual visit to the gynecologist.
The moral of my little vagina symposium here is.....
Girls, your vagina is a bitch in waiting. Take care of her properly. Keep her clothed in proper undergarments. No 13 pairs for a dollar bullshit underwear either or your vagina will bitchslap you. Good threads, Victoria's Secret or the like. Wash your vagina with the proper cleansers. Don't try to make her smell like a bouquet of flowers because she ain't havin' it. Treat your vagina like a lady. Wine her and dine her. You won't be sorry.
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