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Pets

2003-10-20 & 10:03 p.m.


I have 4 dogs and 4 cats and a rat. I like talking about my pets. I don't have children. I have a husband but he is not that interesting. I am not that interesting. So let's talk about my pets.

Numero Uno...The Big Dawg...Charlie

Charlie is a pug. I have had him since I was 10. He got my through the difficult teenage years. (you know acne, puberty, etc.) He didn't care that I didn't have Abercrombie jeans or that I couldn't fit into Abercrombie jeans anyways. (FUCK YOU SIZE 2's) He is my heart...my life. This may sound sad to some but as Winston Churchill said,"The more people I meet the more I like my dog." About 2 years ago Charlie went blind. That didn't slow him down. He is still a food crazy pug lovin' machine.

Then there is Stewart, also a pug. He is my celebrity. (Locally of course) But you just wait, I am getting him an agent....He was on the Edmonds, WA Animal Control Officers Baseball card. He also appeared in the local newspaper. His picture is also now appearing in the Humane Society's 2004 Power of Companionship calendar. I didn't know he was so photogenic. Honestly I always thought he was kinda ugly. He has 2 different colored eyes, his front legs are bow legged, his rear legs are pigeon toed. The camera loves him. Lately, though, I think the celebrity has gone to his head.

Next there is Grommit. Again also a pug. He can be a bit too much at times. He has a high pitched whiny bark and chases the cats a lot. He likes to suffocate you with kisses. He is so darn cute you forget how much he pissed you off a few minutes ago.

And then there is Brynn. I bet you will think oh another pug but NO...Surprise! She's not a pug. But don't tell her that. She lives in a fantasy world where she is a pug and is pug sized and therefore can behave as though she is pug sized. (She is actually a 50 lb pointer mix) She is the snake to my mongoose...or the mongoose to my snake. I don't know animals. She is crazy. She has so much energy. If I had her metabolism I would look more like an anorexic ballerina and less like a Lane Bryant ad.

The Funky Felines

TUCCA-The African Huntress of the Serengetti Plains. My first cat ever. She likes what she likes and that's it. She is like a brutally honest person. I love that.

BABY CAT- He looks like a cow. He is afraid of everything except me and even sometimes me. He is a baby cat just like his name states. He really only likes me and my husband. That's fine with me.

NEO-Named for the action hero of the Matrix Trilogy (by my sci fi geek husband), our 18 lb. fat bastard Grey Tabby is really able to fly and evade bullets. NOT! Well maybe if after evading the bullets and flying there was a bowl of food at the end. Neo likes to eat, sleep, and get his ass scratched. TYPICAL MALE!

MAGGIE- Whoever wrote the Siamese cat song for the Lady and the Tramp Disney movie really knew a Siames cat I think. She likes to sleep on my pillow. Unfortunately she has this sinus issue which makes her sneeze a lot. Occassionally she sneezes on my head and I wake up thinking I just got slimed by Slimer from Ghostbusters.

And then finally Rat E. Ratterson. No stories about him or anything. He is a fat rat. That's all.

Oh my god! I am one of those people. Oh well. I'd rather be one of those people than to not fall into a catergory at all. That's the worst. To be catergory-less. Right?


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