All Of My Days Have Been Misspent
I have to lodge a complaint with some of my peoples. My peoples being those of the lesbian persuasion of course.
Okay, lesbians....you know that as a community as a whole, I am all about lesbians. I am a big fan of the lesbian being one myself. However, I have to lodge a complaint against a few subcommunities of my dear lesbian community.
My first complaint is lodged against the "Lesbians with Ailments" or LWA for short. Lesbians with ailments are the lesbians that ALWAYS have something medically wrong with them. In my experiences only senior citizens outrank the lesbians when it comes to complaining about medical ailments. Waiting in line at an Indigo Girls shows you will always hear the following:
1) "Oh I don't travel to see the girls anymore since I was in that accident. It totally jacked my back."
2) "Oh I can't drink because I have...weird illness noone has heard of.....and the alcohol interferes with my medication"
3) "Could you get me a drink? I don't walk much since I broke my ankle back in 1989."
The LWA's are by far the most obnoxious community because I dislike listening to old people complain why would I want to listen to a fat lesbian with a mullet tell me about her enlarged kidneys and artificial hip?
The second subcommunity would be the "Ungroomed Lesbians". I have met more lesbians wearing torn up clothes with stains on them who haven't brushed their teeth nor hair in the last 6 months. People, people....liking the pussy does not mean you get to stop exercising personal hygiene. If anything, liking pussy means that you should make damn sure you are "fresh and clean".
And lastly, can I speak to my mulleted friends...No.
The mullet is not cool on a redneck, its not cool on you.
The mullet was not cool when Mary Stuart Masterson had one in "Immediate Family", it is not cool on you.
If you have a mullet, do not approach me in a bar. Do not tell me that I am you type and that you want a lady who admires your "gentlemanly qualities".
"Mullets of America: Step Away From this Femme"
Thank you very much.
This PSA was sponsored by "Lesbians Who Care".
