All Of My Days Have Been Misspent
I live on the 3rd floor and that floor alone has a interesting group of people.
SingleGalwithUglyDog: She lives right across from the elevator and Brynnona hates her ugly little dog. She walks her dog really early in the morning all the time and it gets all excited and barks in the hallway.
BigBlackLady: She cooks all sorts of weird smelling foods that make the hallway smell funny. She is like an expert Cajun cook, or so she tells me and tried to get me to eat some sort of weird Cajun food that I wasn't having any of. She is also right next to the elevator and occassionally will come hold the door open for people getting off the elevator. She has 2 cats one of which is named Po Daddy. I only know cause he was loose in the hallway one day and that is what she called him.
ReeferMan: This guy lives across the hall next to BigBlackLady. He smokes a lot of weed. He reeks of patchouli all the time and plays The Grateful Dead all the time. He also always has friends over and sometimes they knock on my door asking if I have a lighter.
PedophileGuy: This guy just screams out child molester. He lives right across the hall and he is really all sneaky like. He gets lots of packages all the time. He never leaves his apartment. I tried to look in his apartment one time when he opened the door and he was all paranoid looking. He kinda looks like Steve Buscemi.
and lastly there is my most favorite of my new neighbors, CrazyBirdLady.
CrazyBirdLady lives right next door. She has like 23 birds in her apartment. If you look into her window from the street you can see the fucking aviary she has in her apartment. She is like in her 50s and wears like old hippie clothes from the 60s. She also wears funny rainbow colored glasses which hang around her neck with a beaded chain when she isn't wearing them. I hate when old ladies do that.
Anyways, why is she my favorite?
Well, the first day I had to work after moving in I left Brynn at the apartment and apparently she barked and whined all day. CrazyBirdLady left me a note about what a cruel human being I was for leaving that poor dog in agony all day long. That evening I went and got a bark collar for Brynn to resolve that problem and she hasn't barked since. A few days later I was walking Brynn and there was CrazyBirdLady in the hallway. Now keep in mind she has never met me so she has no idea that I am her neighbor nor that Brynn was the barking dog. CrazyBirdLady is talking to ReallyButchLesbian who used to live in my apartment about me. So I walk up the stairs and then lurk there eavesdropping their conversation.
CrazyBirdLady: The new gal who moved into your apartment is terrible.
ReallyButchLesbian: Why?
CBL: She has or had this dog who barked all day one day and I left her a note. The next day the dog was not barking but it was whining. I could hear it in there so I think she muzzled it so it couldn't bark. Then the next day it wasn't barking or whining. I think she put it to sleep. Poor thing.
Welcome to the neighborhood.....
