All Of My Days Have Been Misspent
Year One....
Began talking...yes I did just ask my mom. I am not one of those liars who just lies about that stuff to impress people. I am impressive enough, I don't need to make shit up. (most of the time)
Year Two....
Walked. Thus I began my life long personal transportaion journey. Man...good times, good times.
Year Three....
I believe that my passion for shopping was born at this age when I began shoplifting things whilst riding in my stroller.
Year Four....
Frankly, my fourth year of life is sort of a blur. I remember the A-Team and Cabbage Patch dolls.
Year Five...
This year was very significant for it opened a very important chapter in my life. This year was when the Golden Girls debuted. Even more than my parents DNA, this show singlehandedly influenced my childhood development more than anything else in the world. Who else in the world can say that their childhood development was more influenced by 4 eldery women sitting around a kitchen table eating cheesecake and talking about sex?
Year Six...
Not recalling much about my sixth year of life either. Pretty insignificant. I believe I was a cheerleader for Halloween.
Year Seven....
This would be the year my breasts began to develop....I kid you not. I was the only second grader who had a frequent buyer card at Fredricks of Hollywood. Hey just cause I developed early was no reason not to be sexy. I was really into leopard print at that age.
Year Eight....
This was the year of Mrs. U'Ren. Or Urine to those who hated her. Possibly the worst 3rd grade teacher ever....I have written of her...I cannot talk about it for it is skeery.
Year Nine.....
NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK BABY! I was a Jon girl myself....still have my Jon doll, yes I do.
Year Ten.....
This was the year in which I met my soulmate, his name is Charlie. Now I call him Pooh Dizzle Fho Shizzle. I have had this dog since I was 10. I am obsessed with him. If I could eat him, I would and that is love.
Year Eleven....
I heardly remember a goddamn thing about Year 11. I think I was stoned for most of 11. I kid...I was getting stoned at 6....that was just my stepping stone. By 11, I was snortin' lines.
Year Twelve...
Depression sets in. My breast matured to a DD and the Golden Girls ended. There wasn't enough tortilla chips dipped in sour cream to drown this girls sorrow.
Year Thirteen.....
I wrote my first book. Was hoplessly in love with school this year for some reason. Probably because I had the best teacher I ever had that year. I loved school that year. I had no friends but I sure loved school.
Year Fourteen.....
I didn't do squat when I was 14. I was the most ineventful 14 year old you wpould have ever met.
Year Fifteen.....
This was the year I began working in a vet hospital. Kind of makes me sad that I never moved on from that really....9 years later I am still doing that.
Year Sixteen.....
Ah the year of non-existent chairs and my hopeless crush on Mr. Yoshida. Nicole and I were indulging in too many "special brownies" and watching the movie about Yanek the Russian immagrant too many times.
Year Seventee....n
I graduated. Whoopity doo. I wore my red cape, I saved the world. Singlehandedly, I saved the world from uh....giant buckets of chicken. No really, I just graduated and then like every other red blooded high school graduate I enrolled in college.
Year Eighteen.....
I dropped out of college because it sucked. I met a peice of immigrant retarded trash that would later become my husband. He rode a bus out to visit me the first time even though flying was that same price. He was so cool in his flannel shirts and old man walking shoes. Thus began my own personal episode of "Queer Eye trapped in a woman's body for the straight guy I someday hope to marry".
Year Nineteen.....
Hmm.....this year is a blur of plane rides and having sex. This was also the year I got Tucca and Baby Cat.
Year Twenty.....
The year I moved to the land of caffeine, alternative music and rain. This is also the year we got "our" first cat, Neo. Who was named for the action movie star and turned into the fatest cat ever, nothing like an action movie star.
Year Twenty-One.....
I got engaged in this year. Nothinkg says romance like your boyfriend tossing a ring box in your lap and saying, "So? Do you?". Also the year we got Stewart and Rat E. Ratterson.
Year Twenty-two.....
This year I entered into wedded bliss. What the fuck was I thinking? We bought a house. I looked up the most stresful things in life online one day...
"Getting Married" was number 2.
"Buying a House" was number 5.
Year 22 was full of good times.
Maggie, Brynn and Grommit joined our household this year.
Year Twenty Three.....
Started this weblog. That was a huge life changing thing for me. My whole outlook on life changed with this weblog. Instead of just living my life and enjoying every moment for what it is, I now think..."I am so blogging this."
Here we are at Year 24....
So far in this 24th year I have watched the ending of Angels in America. Listened to Fleetwood Mac. Eaten chocolate chips, toast, macaroni and cheese and fish sticks. I watched Kevin James do stand up. I wrote in this blog.....I could go on but it pertains to flushing my vagina and picking up dog shit so I will stop while I am ahead.....
