All Of My Days Have Been Misspent
Friend of Bride: What is your mom's name again?
Bride: Burrito.
Me: No, it is Diane.
Bride: Yes, Diane Burrito.
Bride: Dawn, you don't need to go tanning, you're black.
The bride went into the bedroom to put on her pajamas and ended up putting on someone else's pajamas. When she came out to the other room, the girl questioned why the bride was wearing her pajamas. The brides answer was, "Burrito."
I took the bride back into the bedroom to change her into her own pajamas to find that she had done her friend the courtesy of wearing her pajamas COMMANDO!
There was a huge inflatable penis at the party last night and we all signed it. I signed it, "Pussies are red, penis can get blue, don't let that happen to "Groom's", cause that would suck for you."
We went out for breakfast this morning. I was SO GOOD. While everyone else had cinnamon rolls, eggs benedict, waffles, french toast, etc. , I had yogurt with granola and fresh fruit. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? It was fucking good.
I also looked so hot last night (WE ALL DID with the exception of one person who neglected to dress up despite the fact that she KNEW we were going out but we won't talk about her.) Anyways back to me, (Self obsessed much) when I get pictures of how fucking hot I looked I will post them barring I wasn't in some sort of Twilight Zone in which I believed I looked hot and noone else did and they were merely humoring me.
