All Of My Days Have Been Misspent
An IM conversation between me and the husband:
Hey baby, wanna cyber?? HA HA Kidding.
Fargahar says:
Yeah.....
Fargahar says:
First you blow your nose and then you can massage my sunburned shoulders with some aloe
I-Man says:
Sounds sexy.
Fargahar says:
Then I will run my still dirty even though I scrubbed them for 4 hours toes up and down your leg
I-Man says:
Don't stop now...
I-Man says:
How many layers of dirt did you get one there?
I-Man says:
One for each game?
Fargahar says:
Yeah I guess.
Fargahar says:
Grommit is humping the shit out of poor Sophie
I-Man says:
Joy.
Fargahar says:
Right now he is seducing her by chewing on her armpit
I-Man says:
Kick his ass.
I-Man says:
Tell him it's from me.
Today the husband called his mother. In the midst of their conversation, he of course told her he was sick with a head cold. She told him to go to the doctor. AND WE WONDER HOW THEY TURN IN TO SUCH BIG FRIGGIN BABIES? Could it be their mothers? Hmmmm....let me think.
Today the husband was dialing his phone. While he was dialing he was saying the numbers out loud and that reminded me that I hate when people do that. (Granted the husband was trying to remember a phone number someone had left on his voicemail but still....) I mean if it is a number that you have memorized....JUST DIAL IT! Also if you are giving me a phone number...use proper phone number rhythum. It goes BUM-BUM-BAH-BUM-BAH-BUM-BAH. Okay? Not all the numbers all jumbled together. Or all Fortysix-thirtynine-thirtytwo-three. That is not a phone number. That is a football play.
My dad used to always say, "I'm gonna beat you like a red headed step child." What the hell does that mean?
In light of my sunburn I present to you:
Ten Signs that a Redneck has been using your computer:
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Coors can in the cup holder(CD-ROM drive).
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
AND the number 1 way to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer is...
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".
