All Of My Days Have Been Misspent
Me: (talking to the dogs.) Grommit you are getting fat. I am cutting you back. Stewart you are too. Brynnona however, you are on food for dogs that have been starved and you still look like an anorexic supermodel on the cigarettes and diet coke diet.
(okay so this wasn't a conversation as much as a lecture.)
Me: I hate not wearing underwear under my pajama pants.
TH: I never do.
Me: Well I was doing it for the past few days because I was all out of "good underwear" and I didn't want to waste it going to bed in it.
TH: Okay?
Me: I cannot free ball it. My dong doesn't want to hang in the air.
TH: What the?
Me: I like my shit contained.
Me: Hey remember Jill?
TH: No...?
Me: Yeah you know Jill...the girl that I invented the mechanical stripper dance with....that I played volleyball with....
TH: I guess...
Me: You don't really remember do you?
TH: No....
Me: You are pussy free in there....
TH: What sort of pussy?
Me: Both sorts of pussy....
Husband makes a face.....
Me: *ala Kelso* BUUUUURRRRRNNNNN!!!
