All Of My Days Have Been Misspent
I am at the resort hotel and I am there for some Peters family reunion. Meanwhile an LPGA championship is going on at the same time. I was really excited by that because my most favorite woman's professional golfer, Patty Sheehan was there and I was going to get to watch her play. (and yes this is true...I really do have an all time favorite female professional golfer.) I was standing outside the bathroom talking to some random blonde woman, who looked like a young Dinah Shore, talking about the golf tournament when Patty walked out of the bathroom. I turned all giddy like a school girl and hugged her. I proceeded to follow her into this lesbian bar and this larger lesbian walks up behind me and starts rubbing my breasts and saying, "Come on baby come dance with me." I squirmed away from her and casually declined. I noticed this man sitting near the fireplace. I sat next to him and asked him what he was doing in here. He procedeed to tell me he was a meth addict and he was sitting in there because being around lesbians made him want to kick the habit. I kicked him for saying that and walked away. I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I met this woman, a lesbian, out there. Her name was Charlotte. We were talking and all of the sudden this big car crash happens near us. This car is on fire and I rush to the car and save the baby inside of it but the car explodes before I can save the mother. (Gee...that is an episode of Cagney and Lacey there...my favorite one where Cagney realizes she is an alcoholic...one of the rare two part episodes..) Next thing I know I am going back to Charlotte's apartment with her and the drug addict and the baby which it seems I am doomed to carry around with me forever. We are sitting in her apartment when this old lady busts out of her closet and tries to cut all of our hair. We run from her and people are throwing stuff at us on the street. We get to this grocery store and run inside. Suddenly, this little girl, like the girl from The Ring, is totally haunting us. She keeps following me and threatening to feed Charlie, my dog, poison bananas. Suddenly everything goes black and I am on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge. I am hanging out with Mallory and Christena (which seems off because in real life I would totally be hanging out with Coral talking about what a moron Julie the mormon is.). Some people come up and ask us for our autographs. Or rather they ask Mallory and Christena for their autographs. I say,"What about me?" and the people ask what season I was on. I told them I was on Real World 13: Oklahoma. They laughed and ran away. I got all pissed because I really was on RW: Oklahoma. I remembered it so vividly. Finally someone recognized me and asked for my autograph and I remember that being a completely amazing feeling.
Then I woke up.....
