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....did Jesus shat himself while being beaten?

2004-03-12 & 12:57 a.m.


I went to see Monster today. Charlize Theron definitely deserved that Oscar. Also my friend was telling me that Charlize's mom (in REAL life) killed her dad because he was abusing her or something like that. Just strange....I guess.


Me: I just got the urge to do something to you that I used to do to my sisters when they were in the shower.

TH: What?

Me: Throw a cup of ice cold water on you while you are in there.

TH: Why do you want to do that?

Me: Because I feel the need to participate in some antics.


Don't you hate it when you have stupid nervous breakdowns about really dumb things? Mine today was because I couldn't find the stamps. If I couldn't find the stamps then all the bills would be late. They would charge us late fees and call us. They would report it to our credit reports and then we would have to file for bankruptcy. We will have to sell the house and we would have to give up all the dogs and the cats. We would rent a ghetto apartment. I would be so depressed by all this that I turn to the streets. I start with the light stuff. A little pot here, a snort there, suddenly I am selling my body to get high. The husband just sits in a room looking at porn magazines and masturbating while saying that is the only thing he can feel anymore. I get arrested when in a sting operation I get solicited by a cop. I do a stint in a womans prison where I am repeatedly raped by a woman named Mary whom everyone calls Ox. She tattoos her name over my "fake" nipple. I get out of prison to find that TH has started sleeping with my sister and I take them on the Jerry Springer show to confront them.....Do you see? See what can happen when the stamps are missing?


Me: You shouldn't use an electric razor, Kyan said so.

TH: Who?

Me: The Queer Eye Grooming Guy.

TH: Oh.

Me: He says that electirc razors are a no no. You will get a closer longer lasting shave with a razor.

TH: No, I am not ever putting a razor to my face.

Me: Why not?

TH: No I don't want to talk about this. I hate the whole "People telling me what to do thing".

Me: Yeah so you hate life...


Passion of Christ people....did Jesus shat himself while being beaten? I am curious because if this movie is supposed to be a gory, accurate depiction and Jesus really got beaten as much as everyone says he did, there is no doubt in my mind that he would have shat himself. Possibly everyone would not have found all that blood nearly as offensive if there was some shit mixed in there.


Dear Rice-O-Roni,

The Four Cheese pasta did not need breadcrumbs nor does it benefit from them. It was a stand alone Mac and Cheese for adults. It did not need to be changed. I am insulted that you added breadcrumbs and think you can charge me 30 cents more a package. You make me sick.

Sincerely,

Courtney



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