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"Hi Thank You for calling the Peters Dog Shit Emporium"

2004-01-21 & 5:27 p.m.


Dear Dog Food Company,

I a writing to complain about the false advertising on your food bags. I did a lot of research on dog foods before choosing the particular dog food I chose. There were many factors. I wanted something holistic and natural. I also wanted something that would be sufficient for all my dogs. Your food seemed to fullfill all my expectations. After I purchased your brand of food, I noticed on the bag that it also claimed that in scientific tests and feeding trials, your food produced less stool volume. Great, I thought...a bonus. Now here is where I wish to lodge my complaint. I have 3 small dogs and one medium dog. I scooped the poop in the backyard this afternoon. It has been a week since I last cleaned the yard. In general my dogs deficate twice daily. This afternoon I scooped 30 lbs of dog shit. Yes that is right 30 lbs. Less stool volume? I think not. Now unless in started raining dog feces and that was the cause of the increased "bulk" in my dog fecal mater bucket, I would say that the claims on your bag are nothing more than false advertising.

Sincerely,

Courtney Peters


In all seriousness, I feel as though my dogs shit way too much. And for the amounts they produce we should be able to figure out something else to do with it besides just throwing it away. We should drive dog shit powered cars or soemthing. 30 pounds of shit is way too much shit. I am seriously thinking there is something wrong with my dogs' bowel functions. I am not feeding them too much because they are all in perfect body condition and body weight. If anything they are a bit on the thin side but I like to keep my pugs that way to prove to pug people out there that it is possible to have a thin pug. And you pug owners know who you are....you are the ones that accuse me of starving my pugs while your 35 lb asthmatic beast runs around begging for treats. Either way I am going to have to figure out something. I cannot be expected to clean up 30 pounds of shit weekly. That is too much. I am almost wondering if neighbors without yards are throwing their shit into my yard. It was way more shit than last week....*gets suspicious look on her face*


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