All Of My Days Have Been Misspent
I shall next time require you to call me to tell me when you are going to arrive home. I would not like another mishap such as what happened yesterday evening to happen again. (And yes the husband was okay after the zipper incident, the doctor just suggested we ice the area for a few days.)
I would also request that you not do assine things such as cancel your maid or cancel the newspaper the week I am there. This is unfair because I only get to read the paper when I am housesitting. I also protest because I am already diligently watching your house, I should not have to also clean it.
I would also like to bring it to your attention that it is unwise to lock a door of your house before I stay there. This only causes me to accidentally break one of my credit cards while trying to break into that room hoping to find your S & M liar and watch your pornos. (This also applies to locks on the liquor cabinent and hiding the keys to your BMW.)
May I request that you always make sure that your stay whereever you are extends so that your garbage man will come while you are gone. That way if I have a party I do not need to go out of my way to take the garbage back to my house to throw away.
Also when you say, "Help yourself to whatever in the fridge" it registers in my brain as the following, "You may wear my underwear, try on all my clothes, goes through all my drawers and drive my car."
And my last request....next time you go out of town, could you please go grocery shopping the day before you leave so that there is good food for me and not the rotting crap that noone wants to eat.
Thank You Very Much!
Your faithful pet sitter,
Courtney
P.S. You still haven't paid me for last time.
