Me: I hate us.
TH: Why?
Me: Because you are wearing khakis and a sweater and I look like a GAP ad and we are in our SUV on the way to Costco.
TH: Why were you making turkey gobble noises?
Me: Because she likes them.
TH: Noone needs candy. Especially that much candy.
Me: I do.
Cashier at Costco: (looks at case of industrial sized tampons) She needs it.
Me: I want that cat tree.
TH: But its 85 dollars. There are so many other ways I could spend that.
Me: If you weren't here, I'd buy it and tell you it only cost 50 bucks.
TH: And I'd know you were lying and automatically double it because every time you say,'It only cost...' I automatically double it in my head.
Me: I love how our marriage is based on trust and understanding.
(While viewing the amazing blow up playyard at Costco.)
Me: I want that. It would fit in our backyard.
TH: Hell yeah it would.
Me: Let's get it.
TH: Alright.
(We didn't get it...but damn I wanted to jump around in that thing. I would probably sleep in it too.)
Me: I am really good at poker.
TH: That is because you are a good liar and cheater.
Me: (after TH burned the spaghetti) You should have put olive oil in there so it didn't stick to the bottom.
TH: (in a mocking tone) Well I didn't put olive oil in the bottom...it would have not been burned if I didn't have to be in here cooking it.
Me: Yeah...damn woman get in the kitchen and make me a pot pie.
(After watching True Life:I'm Obsessed With My Dog)
Me: I am way more obsessed with my dogs than any of these people.
TH: I know dear.
Me: Well except maybe the poodle woman.
TH: Whatever you say dear. I just wish I would have known what I was getting into when I met you.
Me: You knew about the Pooh.
TH: Yeah but I only thought it would be him not 9 of them.
TH: (After finishing about 2 lbs of spaghetti with chicken parmagiana) I am such a pig. And you can put that in your diary too.