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Too Much Information...not for Diaryland

2003-12-07 & 1:25 p.m.


"Let's hear it for people who say things at parties and you laugh so they don't feel like an idiot and then when they leave you're like,'What a fuckin' idiot."-Dane Cook

I dreamed of this awesome kickass diary entry last night. Or at least in the dream it was totally awesome. But it is lost in the depths of my cranium. Now I search for inspiration in the soggy waffle sitting next to me. And no I am not referring to the husband. He is playing his video game in the next room.

I have mostly recovered from the lame party last night. I managed to fall asleep despite the continued ringing of fake laughter in my head. I will have to do it all over again next Saturday at the husbands company Christmas Extravaganza. His brilliant boss decided to have a �company� meeting at the party. I am thinking it is because he will hand out bonuses but I am not getting my hopes up. We are just not that lucky.

As I have discovered in Diaryland, there is no such thing as �Too Much Information�, therefore I will share with you that I have the bladder control of a 2 year old or an 80 year old. You can pick which one I resemble more based on my energy level in a particular day. Needless to say I can be found doing the �Pee Pee� dance just about any time anyone runs water. I pissed my pants while jumping on a trampoline about a month ago. Last night, I got up 8 times to urinate. It pissed me off literally. I am almost considering wearing a diaper just so I wouldn�t have to get out of my warm bed to haul my ass into the bathroom and get frostbite from the fucking toilet seat. We are also blessed to be living in new construction that features toilets of the low flow variety. So if I have to use the facilities several times in one night the chances of the toilet clogging and me needing to �plunge� it are about 3 out of 5. I believe I have stated before my disgust of bodily functions. I hate �going to the bathroom�. I know it is natural, blah blah blah. It just interrupts everything I do. And at my house�.going to the bathroom just plain sucks. You always have at least a 5 animal audience. Why don�t you shut the door you say? Ah, Brynn the wonder pointer can open doors. So that is no use. Then you always have to plunge. And I do not know if this phenomenon happens to anyone else but any time I am on the toilet longer than 2 minutes my feet fall asleep. So not only do I have the bladder control of an 80 year old woman. Apparently, I have her circulation as well.


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