All Of My Days Have Been Misspent
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Courtney versus The World

2003-12-04 & 5:06 p.m.


Final score:

World 15

Courtney 3

Fine World�.I give up you win.

I would like it noted that this is not a dramatization. These are the actual events of my day.

It started off like any normal day. Lady of leisure that I am, I awoke at 11:00 am. I read all of my favorite diaries and posted an entry I had written the night before. But today was going to be different. Today I was going to accomplish a few things on my �To Do� list. I was going to go get a new printer cartridge so I could print out my new business cards. I was then going to go to Kinko�s so I could make copies of my business cards, use their paper cutter, etc. I was then going to go drop my cards off at local pet related business hoping to drum up some holiday business so I could afford the monstrosity that Christmas has become. (Point Courtney for ambitiousness.)

I was ready to set out on my quest. I got behind the wheel and started the car to discover we had no gas. (Point World) I opened my wallet to find I had no cash. (Point World) Earlier in the week I was trying to wedge my debit card into my wallet when it snapped in half. Therefore if I wanted cash or to purchase something with credit I needed the husbands card. The husband is at work 20 miles away. I have enough gas to travel about a mile and a half. (Point World) Scavenging through the entire house, I was able to locate $4.50. That will buy about a 1/8 of a tank in my gas guzzler. While at the gas station, this blonde runs out from behind her Suburban and I almost kill her with my �2000 pound death machine� I call a car. This of course gives me that I almost killed someone feeling in my gut. (Point World)

I arrived at the Staples and had no problem finding my Color ink cartridge. Staples even had a generic cheaper one. (Point Courtney for thriftiness) I only purchased the color cartridge because I was led to believe that is all we needed. I was a little aggravated to begin with because I had to write a check at the check out counter which automatically makes you feel like the jerk holding up the line by writing a check. You stand there after writing it with the �Sorry. Believe me I am not a check writing asshole but my debit card is broken look on your face.� I leave with my purchases and head back home for some printing fun.

I arrive home to a chorus of barking as usual. I let the dogs out and moved the laptop into the office where the printer was. I installed the new printer cartridge and try to print my project. I receive an error message that my project will not be printed due to a lack of ink in the printer. I calmly explain to the printer that I just changed the ink cartridge and therefore it should print my project. The printer does not hear me. It continues to flash its lights at me in anger. I attempt to dig the manual out of the �manual drawer� in the file cabinet. In my rage, I overlook it but see we have kept the manual for our Sonicare and our PUR water filter. I call the husband enraged and of course blame him because he is a computer guy and he should know what is wrong without the manual. I attempt to locate the manual again and find it wedged between the George Foreman manual and the manual for the Automatic Litterbox. I attempt to read the manual to determine why the printer is giving me its equivalent to the finger. I finally see why it is angry. We need a BLACK ink cartridge as well. (Point World) I immediately go into a psychotic rage. Why could the printer not inform me of this prior to me leaving for Staples?

I head back out again determined to get this project finished if it kills me. It had only take me about 20 minutes to get to and from the Staples previously so it would not be so bad. I put on some music to sing along to in an attempt to improve my mood. I turn onto the main road and in the middle of a stunning rendition of �Foolish Heart� by Journey; I notice the sea of red brake lights. This is not an uncommon sight in Seattle so I figured it was a minor setback and would clear up when the light turned green.

20 minutes later (Point World) I notice a woman with a walker on the side of the road is walking faster than my car is moving. I am still determined and now halfway through a wonderful rendition of �Stairway to Heaven� complete with air guitar solos and all. I move a few feet and I finally see what is holding things up. Someone had rear ended someone else, causing that person to rear end the person in front of them and so on for about 6 cars. �Okay, as soon as I pass the accident the traffic will start flowing�, I think to myself. I pass the accident and prepare to speed up but am met by yet another sea of brake lights. I get up the hill some to see that there are not one, not two but 3 of the next 6 stoplights are out. (3 Points for the World) At that point, I decided to turn around. (Point World)

I decide to try the Wal-Mart. They have office supplies and electronics, so logic would tell you they have printer cartridges. I finally find a parking spot. I haul ass through the sea of people trying to get 30 dollar DVD players and Barbie Dream Houses to the electronics section. I see they indeed have printer cartridges. I start to look for the one I need. There is a sea of Epson cartridges. I dig through them to discover they are all out of the one I need. (Point World) They are fully stocked with every other model. On the off chance they may have more in back, I find a sales associate. While I am staring at him pondering his resemblance to Yosemite Sam, he tells me,�If it ain�t out here, then we ain�t got it.� (Point World) Dejected, I wander over to the deodorant section remembering that the husband is out of deodorant. I want to get something out of this trip, dammit. (Point Courtney for trying to salvage the trip) I called the husband and asked him what �flavor� of deodorant his was. He would not remember. So I picked one out and told him, �If you don�t like it, I will kick you in the balls.�

I walked out to the parking lot dejected and resigned to the fact that I will not get my business cards done today. I was actually afraid to even try. I arrived home to find black ink all over the floor, rug and Brynonna the wonder pointer. It appears she decided to eat a pen while I was gone. And not just any pen�.a Sharpie. (Point World) Not only did she eat it and smear ink all over the floor but Charlie Pooh Bear, the blind dog, of course walked in the ink and smeared it all over the floor even more. (Point World) After de- inking the house, I notice a lot of the dogs paying extra attention the Christmas tree. I go to investigate because 5 dogs sniffing one location never means something good happened there. I discover that someone has taken the task upon themselves to �mark� the Christmas tree. (Point World)

I have given up and retreated under the covers for the remainder of the day for I fear being struck by lightning if I step outside.


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