All Of My Days Have Been Misspent
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Don't Make Me Get The Hose!

2005-01-19 & 12:09 a.m.


Dear Hormones,
The mountain range of zitty goodness currently residing on my chin are not amusing in the slightest. If you are not careful, I will march myself to the doctor and get you on hormones that don't allow you to toy with me. I don't care that I no longer need birth control, YAY lesbianism!, I will get it. Don't you make me get it?
Sincerely,
Courtney
Dear Feet of Dog (cause obviously brain of dog doesn't work),
Could you please tell dog that you don't want to run around the yard 10 millionty times in THE MUD and then come in the house and jump on the couch with THE MUD all over yourself? Could you please do that?
Sincerely,
Courtney
Dear World's Fattest Cat,
Pushing your dish off the counter at 3 am and breaking it into many peices will not get you fed early.
Sincerely,
Mom
Dear Aformentioned Cat,
Thank you for saving my life this morning by killing the bee that was in the house. You know how mom would FUCKING FLIP OUT if that FUCKER came near her and that she is allergic. Good Kitty. Tonight when you knock your dish off the counter, I will still not feed you but I will not call you a Fat Bastard.
Love,
Mom

Dear Bee (the bee not the cat),

What the hell you think you be doin' wit yo shit all up in my crib? You better back that bee ass up and think about what will happen to you when the fat hungry one gets ahold of your bee ass. Fuck you BEE! I'll punch you in your bee face. Take that, BEE!

Sincerely,

She who shall not be mentioned so that you and all your bee friends can't hunt me down like the mean vicious beasts you are.


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<<<< relive my past & step into the future >>>>

Wilted Tulip - 2005-08-10
"Mullets of America: Step Away From this Femme" - 2005-05-27
Iím the dyke who will give it to you - 2005-05-11
Trail Mix - 2005-05-04
Can I be random? - 2005-04-27