All Of My Days Have Been Misspent
I am so sorry if you already read this but Diaryland is acting so wonky today that I don't know what is posting and what is not and I cannot let this entry go to waste.....
Carry on.
My mom has a few obsessions. We all know I have obsessive compulsive disorder and my sisters show some signs as well. Apparently, we inherited from my mother. Her obsessions include but are not limited to: the order of the cars in the driveway, the amount of Pasta Roni in the cabinent, and collecting obsessive amounts of Tomato Juice.
Case in point witness an exchange that is often had in the household:
Me: Scott and Shannon are on their way here.
Mom: Oh my god this is awful. (spoke in a tone as if Armageddon is coming)
Me: Why? (trying not to laugh)
Mom: Because the green car is in the driveway first and Scott's car will be behind it. I can't drive Scott's car. It's stick.
(Some background: Number A: All cars are not called by their brand i.e. The Acura or The Montero. They are referred to by their color. Number 2: My mom KNOWS how to drive stick. For years, our family has a Nissan that was stick and an Izuzu that was stick. The woman can drive stick but whatever.)
Me: Okay well I will go pull the "green car" (mocking her) out and then I will pull it back in when they pull in.
Mom: Alright but when is Allie going to be home because if she gets home before Dad then someone will have to pull out the black car in the morning if they leave before Dad.
Me: How about we cross that bridge when we come to it, Chicken Little...besides noone else minds pulling cars out besides you I think.
While I was writing of this exchange, Allie broght something that occurred at Chirstmas to my attention. Apparently when Allie and Shannon returned home for Christmas they brought presents with them and were scolded as they places the presents under the tree. Why were they scolded, you ask? Was it because they were poor college students and shouldn't buy presents? No, it wasn't that. Was it because they forgot to get a present for someone important like say Jack the Dog? No, that wasn't it either. They were scolded because the wrapping paper on their presents did not match the ornaments on the tree which were all silver. See, all the presents my mom wrapped were silver as to coordinate with all tree decor.
Now, I just want to say I love my mom. I really do. But is there something in the mom handbook that they recieve when their children are born that says that for the rest of their children's lives they have to continually do things to drive their children completely insane?
Funny things from Allie:
The dogs are fighting under the table and keep running into Allie's legs and stepping on her feet.
Allie: Can you make this stop? I can't handle this in my life right now.
Allie: Katie, no seriously that guy is like Rotten Tooth McGillicuty.
So last night I was at a bar with Allie. She was supposed to be bartending but the place wasn't too busy so we just hung out. Suddenly, the freaks picked up on the "Freaks Please Come Talk to Us" perfume that Allie and I were apparently wearing. I, unfortunately, spent a unfair amount of time speaking with someone that had their septum peirced, which automatically makes me hate you by the way. He felt the need to speak to me about how much he hated Kurt Cobain. Why did he have to tell me this? Because I was from Seattle and all us "coffee drinking tree huggers" idolize Kurt Cobain. Uh, not me pal. Now please take your bull impersonating ass away from me. And take your freaky little Gollum look alike friend with you.
I have a fucking mosquito bite on my earlobe. This fills me with so much joy I could burst.
OH YEAH...last night I was slathering my sex-ay body with lotion when I felt what seemed to be a scab on my back. Being the scab pickin' mothafucka I am, I picked at it. It was rather hard to pick but I managed to peel it off. I of course brought it around to examine it. Yeah it was a fucking tick. Cause I don't already have Lyme Disease, I need another tick bourne illness pumping through my body. Now this I don't understand. My entire family lives here ALL YEAR ROUND. They have never had a tick on them. I am home here for like 6 days and one of those cock suckers is on my back. What the fuck ticks? You gotta problem with me?
Dad: Did you put it back outside?
WTF is that? Yeah I am going to put it back outside so it can jump on me again. No I gave that motherfucker a burial at sea.
