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On The Road to Hell....Wanna Come?

2004-04-02 & 5:16 p.m.


So I am sitting here watching Stewart. He is stradling the couch and his penis is resting on the couch. As he inhales, his penis lifts up off the couch. As he exhales, it rests on the couch again. There is something very interesting about this and I keep watching it happen. Much like how when Charlie barks I find myself looking at his asshole because it bulges out when he barks.


I am a horrible person. I know we have already established this on many occassions but I am. Why am I a horrible person this time? Because when I am watching the various "Stories" (Wedding, Baby, Makeover, Dating...)during the day on TLC, whenever the people on there are ugly, I turn it off and cannot bring myself to watch it. See? I am horrible. As much as I pride myself on not judging people by their looks, (AND I know I rememeber how much I complained about the husbands fat kilt wearing friend...but come on he was a weirdo...) how can I be so vain and turn those shows off whenever someone I think is ugly is having a baby, getting married, or dating someone. Take today for instance, I turned it off because the girl who was getting married had an unusually large forehead and I really didn't want to watch it because her forehead was bugging me. By most people who believe in all that Christian crap's standards I am already damned to hell so I might as well continue on that road. Redemption is a bitch and I am far too lazy to kiss her ass.


Note to anyone who wants to get a pug:

Do not do it man! You have this image of a cute little dog who will be obedient and sit on your lap. You imagine a nice lazy dog who will be a great addition to your family. What you will get is a neurotic crazed screaming/barking machine who freaks out every time you are not in the room. You will get a creature who just for the life of him or her cannot grasp the concept of shitting outdoors. You will have to clean black goo out of face folds. You will have to wipe boogers from eyes EVERY MORNING! You will have a pug shadow following you everywhere you go. Some people are not ready for this sort of devotion. Pugs are great dogs for attention starved whores like myself. Pugs give me that unparalelled devotion that no human can ever match. But pugs are not for everyone. This is just a PSA for those folks who want "A Men in Black Dog".

In related news, take all the neurosis and obnoxiousness of a pug and multiply it times 83 and you have a pointer. They too are not for everyone, especially me.


Dear Andrew, Could you please get a new banner for Gold memebership? The one you currently run is really starting to get on my nerves. Does anyone click on it really? I mean it is so 1989. It really needs to go. Maybe you could get SquirrelX to make a creative Gold membership banner for you. I always fight the urge to click her banners because I know where they are heading. The GOLD banner is hoe-gly and has gots to go. Sincerely, Fargahar



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<<<< relive my past & step into the future >>>>

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