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Procreation

2004-02-23 & 11:09 a.m.


The husband and I are still unsure about the whole children thing. We are pretty sure we want them but are of the understanding that they cost money and this would in turn take money away from us. This is the part that we, as two twenty somethings going on 16, are not crazy about amoung other things.

We are also concerned about "fucking" our child up. I mean already with me as the mother and the husband as the father the kid already as 3 strikes against him. We are both insanely paranoid and surely that will get passed on to our child. So when the kid is 4, I will be worrying that every time she leaves the house she will get killed, maimed, or raped, the husband will be continuing to worry about job security and the kid will be so strung out on Dimetapp (that I had to give her to calm her down) that she won't know what is going on.

Then there is the whole issue with the fact that I have to push another human being out of my vagina. I am completly unsure about this. I know there are drugs but that too is a problem. Epidurals, IV's...all require needles and I think that even though I am in an incredible amount of pain I will still be insanely fearful of any sort of needle coming at me. I picture myself running down the hall in a hospital gown, my ass hanging out, and the baby's head half out of my vag. This terrifies me.

I am also scared to have my daughter, because as I have stated before I am not having a son unless there is a written agreement signed by him prior to birth that he will be gay, inherit my lack of eyelashes and eyebrows. I mean by no means do I want her to inherit the husband's unruly caterpillars that sometimes creep into a unibrow. But I would like a nice comprimise between the two. I do not want my daughter to suffer through what I have gone through with my eyelashes. If she could get the husbands, luxiourious long lashes that would be wonderful. Otherwise she will be cursed to put on mascara and still have it look like she isn't wearing any and then she will spend the rest of her desparate life trying to find a mascara that makes it look like she is a Vegas Show Girl...but natural looking, you know?

Chidren also require you to give a lot of yourself. I don't think the baby would appreciate waiting to eat or get changed because mommy is busy reading Uncle Devian's diary. There will be no time for me, no time for the pets, and no time for my husband. Considering that I currently think I have no time to get anything done, I do not think a child would factor in to this equation well.

I am writing this for posterity. To look back on when my uterus sends empty signals to my brain and I get the urge to go to Babies R Us and look at all the cool baby stuff I could get. To reflect upon when I invision how cute a little girl would look riding in a stroller with me as I walk around the mall teaching her the art of shopping. Something to think about when I am balancing the checkbook and there still isn't enough money for me to replace my makeup with this years colors. No, I don't think I am ready to be a mother.


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