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Polish Mafia...Be Gone

2004-01-22 & 4:14 p.m.


Will the Polish mafia quit calling my house please? I keep coming home to these message on my answering machine in Polish. Or when I answer in English...they keep talking in Polish. All I can think to say is, "No habla Polish".


Why do the landscapers have to rake the dirt in my back yard? It is dirt. It looks the same whether or not it is raked. It pisses me off that I have to pay 180 dollars in HOA dues each month for my dirt to get racked and my patio blown with the blower. (If one had a dirtier mind "raking my dirt" and "blowing my patio" could be sexual references.....or is it just me?)


If my uterus wants to exit my body as badly as it seems to exhibit through the cramping, I will just stick my hand up there and rip it out.

Speaking of which, I need a new "groinocologist". A few years ago, (yes I am naughty and that is the last time I went) the doctor I went to when I had shit insurance butchered the crap out of my tender little cervix and since then I have been afraid of spreading my legs open and surrendering my precious to just anyone. I have been meaning to go however because my cramps are kicking my ass. They are paralyzing at times. I always had migraines when I was on the Pill. I stop the Pill and the migraines go away, I lost 20 lbs. and I felt better...except for these ass kicking cramps. I have to dope up on Vicodin and muscle relaxers just to be able to sleep. It sucks hairy flying monkey ass.


I just finished "Wicked" and I would very much like to see it made into a movie. A movie, not a musical as ex-stripper said it would be, would be a better fit for this story. Meanwhile, it inspired me to watch The Wizard of Oz with renewed enthusiasm.


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