All Of My Days Have Been Misspent
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We Keep the Shrubbery Trimmed....

2004-01-20 & 12:40 a.m.


No Aerosmith fan should be subjected to Shakira, Pink, NSync, nor Britney Spears singing Aerosmith songs. It is just wrong.

I went to see Aerosmith two years ago. I would have gone this year but it was the same night as Lewis Black and Dave Attell and the husband wanted to go to that so I compromised. But dammit I missed Aerosmith and Kiss on tour! The year before I had seen Aerosmith and Kid Rock. It was funny, Ashley and I did not know who the opener was and we found Kid Rock a pleasant suprise. I really like his music. He is an excellent live performer as well.

I don't know what it is about Aerosmith but they just create this amazing sexual energy with their music. Everyone dances and sings along. Then entire experience is like a giant orgasm while you are stoned. I mean who doesn't want to strip naked and dance to "Love in an Elevator?"


So since Black Bart died, I had to break out the old vibrator, whose name is Barney because he is purple and is the dinosaur in the vibrator family. (Yeah the husband is into that stuff too...) Barney is not powerful enough. He is old too. He thought he was retired. He was looking at condos in Boca Raton. He was thinking of moving into Del Boca Vista (where did you hear that before?). He had already cashed in his IRA and bought a cadillac. Poor Barney.


I would also like to address my sisters concerns re: a fire in the pubbage. It was Black Bart who was on fire. Not the pubbage. The pubbage is well trimmed into a racing strip pattern currently and therefore was not in the line of fire so to speak. We do not allow the pubbage to grow into out of control shrubbery. We like to be smooth as a baby's bottom with exception of said racing strip.


So thus commences the vibrator and pubic hair portion of the diary for a while. I do not want people to think this is that kind of diary. (Which it is but I don't want people thinking that...)


P.S. Also...FUCK YOU IOWA! Noone cares about you. I can barely remember your capital. I have been to you and you are very flat. You smell like burning dead bodies. What are you known for? Grain? Corn? Whoopity Doo! I would not have even visited you had my sisters not attended college in you. But for the most part...you are a waste of a state. As Grandpa Simpson said to the president,"Dear Mr. President, there are too many states these days. Please get rid of 2." I would nominate Iowa as one of the 2 gotten rid of. My homey Dean got trounced by John "Rubberface" Kerry and John "Boy Wonder" Edwards. Damn you IOWA!!! I spite thee. I may abstain from visiting you in the future.


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